“What do you mean?” asked Biz, walking ahead of me towards the car.
“What do you mean, what do I mean fam?”, I kissed my teeth and walked behind him in annoyance.
“Brudda, chill out, it’s not that serious”, he dismissed.
We got to the car, Biz pulled open the door, sat down and started scrolling on his phone.
I gently sighed, I didn’t want to have any deep ass talk right now but he knows what he’s doing. I opened the driver’s side and got into the car. “Yo, are you sure you’re good? We’re brothers, you-“
“Yes man, are you good?” he asked, but didn’t lift his eyes. “Cause I don’t know why you’re trippin, I was just jokin’ wit shorty.” He laughed but still never took his eyes off his phone.
I shook my head, pushed the car into drive and joined traffic. There was no point in trying to have this talk, Biz was gonna be Biz. And for a nigga that doesn’t shut up most the time, he never wants to talk about feelings and shit. But he’ll also go out of his way to make it known he ain’t fuckin with something. You just gotta rock with it, until something else pisses him off and he doesn’t care anymore.
We didn’t talk much on our way to his house, EST Gee was filling the empty space in the car. I knew by the time we got into the crib and smoked, he’d might be ready to talk so I wasn’t buggin. Biz owned a 2 floor loft by Park Lawn, it use to be him, Destiny and their dog Kash. But now it’s just him, he got rid of the dog when Destiny passed. He said it reminded him of her too much, so he gave it to her little sister. Destiny’s family was well off, so she had expensive taste from before she met Biz. She was into home decor so she had their place looking like something out of a store. Biz use to always complain how he wanted to “man cave it up”, but couldn’t because of Destiny. He just got a whole bunch of LED lights, but they’ve been sitting in the same place since he bought them. And they’ll probably stay there forever.
We pulled up and into the Biz’s parking garage. We got my visitor’s parking pass and headed up to his crib.
“You want your usual tea fam?”, Biz offered when we stepped through the door.
“Yeah, done know.” I went to sit down on the plush sectional and threw on the tv, “you tryna run a game?”
“Oh you tryna get your ass beat right now, right now, say less”, he said walking into the living room with his weed tray.
I laughed out loud, “bro, why do you always do this?” I got up to get the controllers, trying to ignore his preposterousness.
“Bro, what are you talkingggg about?, he sat down and began rolling us one of his fat barely-smokeable blunts. “Just put the ting on!”
I held my belly in enjoyment as I laughed at his delusional ass. The annoyance of the past faded away with every inhale of the moment. Biz and I would get into it often, but it never lasted too long before we found grace for each other again. We both have been through enough to know that nothing is worth losing our friendship.
When we were 12, Biz’s older brother was shot. He was like an older brother to me too, I always looked up to him cause he was the first rapper from the hood I ever knew to get some hype in this city. He put Regent on the map, the neighborhood’s favorite so we called him Hoods Fave or Hoodz. Then one night a man caught him slipping by the community centre on his way to grab our bad asses. We were suppose to be home when the street lights came on. Biz still blames himself, cause it was his idea to stay out later. I’ll never forget hearing the shots, then seeing them run into the gym screaming “They shot Hoodz!” We ran out just in time to see him bleed out and tell us he loved us. I think that was the day Bizzle died too and he became Biz. He was ready to take out any Jane yute cause we heard it was a hit from the Jane Boys. We rode those streets ready to smoke anything that didn’t have a backpack..And did.
“What time is ol’ girl suppose to fawad?”, Biz asked as he passed the blunt pulling me out of my daydream.
“She said she’s going to come for around 12ish, why what’s up?”
“Nah, nothing I was just wondering.”
I passed him back the blunt, “nigga you know you forgot my tea?” I said, getting up to go and make a new one.
“Nah nigga, YOU forgot your tea! I was just going to boil the water for you, you’re not a guest.” He laughed and continued playing the game.
I got up and turned on the kettle. “So fam, I know you don’t want to talk about it but we have to plan the funeral.”
“Nah fam, her parents are going to do it. I just gave them 50 racks.” He didn’t break away from the tv, I knew he didn’t want to think about this, nevertheless talk about it.
“Oh okok… But… Don’t you want to be a part of it? You may regret that later fam-“
“Her parents don’t want me there”, he said curtly, taking a big inhale of smoke.
“What the fuck, what do you mean her parents don’t want you at her funeral? And you’re paying for it…”
“Her folks are white bro and they always hated me. Plus now they think it’s my fault their baby’s gone and they’re not wrong fam, so just let them have it. I don’t even like funerals anyways.”
I thought back to Hood’z funeral and how Biz just stared, he didn’t talk, only stared at the casket. Everyone would ask him how he’s doing and he’d just stare, I had to reply for him. Biz’s dad blew up on him after everyone left and told him how it’s his fault his brother’s dead. He stopped speaking to and acknowledging Biz after that day, it was kind’ve like he lost two family members.
I sighed as he extended his arm to pass me back the blunt, “I’m sorry bro.”
“I know”, he said, still staring at the game.
We played a few games and then ended up throwing on Paid In Full. Biz knocked out, but cause this was one of my favorite movies I stayed awake. It was 11:47am and Royaal was on her way over in an uber. I was getting distracted on my phone, returning emails and doing some business. Things have slowed down these last few months cause my focus has been on being there for Biz. I haven’t even spent much time with Royaal and I know it’s buggin her. I want to though, I really do, I just gotta figure out some shit first. It’s like I can’t seem to figure out how to juggle her and the rest of the world too. I know she needs me to show up for her right now, I just have to figure out how to do that without suffocating.
There was a soft knock on the door. I got up to answer it since Biz was knocked out still. I looked through the peephole to see Royaal staring down at her phone. Her eyebrows pushed together, like she was frustrated and her nails clicked against the screen.
“You have no patience”, I chuckled as I unlocked the door.
She rolled her eyes and grinned, her full juicy lips spread against her white straight teeth. She was wearing that lululemon set I like, that leaves no part of her skin untouched. Her hair was in a bun, but she had two front pieces coming down over her pretty ass eyes. Fine little shit, it got my dick hard just thinking about bending her up.
“What’s up lil mama,” I said, flirting with her as she walked by me.
“Nothing much, hungry” she teased, looking back at me. “What are you boys up to?”
“Watching Paid in Full, well I’m watching it, Biz is sleeping.”
“No i’m not”, yelled Biz from the couch.
“Well he was sleeping”, I laughed.
“I wasn’t sleeping nigga, I was just resting my eyes!”, he taunted, stretching his arms to the ceiling.
“Yeah yeah nigga.”
“What’s up Biz, how are you?”, asked Royaal.
“I’m breathing, can’t complain”, he said walking towards the kitchen for a drink.
Royaal went and took a seat on the couch, “you can hit the rest of the blunt if you want”, I offered.
“Alright where do yall rich folks want to eat today?” Biz yelled out as he walked upstairs to his room.
“I was thinking Joeys,” Royaal said. Biz bussed out laughing, “whaat?”, questioned Royaal.
“Nothing, nothing”, he teased.
“What’s wrong with Joey’s?”, she looked at me, I could tell she was genuinely confused.
“Bad mon nuh go to Joey’s baby”, I said walking towards her and taking a seat on the couch.
“Awoahh”, called out Biz from upstairs.
“Okay…”, she laughed and rolled her eyes, “what do you guys want to eat then?”
“Feeling like some STK my guy?”, I asked Biz.
“Always speaking my language brudda”, said Biz, who was coming back down the steps.
Royaal looked at the both of us and just shook her head and laughed. We finished smoking the rest of the blunt, then left for STK. We ended up running into our boy and staying longer than expected. Everyone left to go about their day then it was just us. I could tell Royaal wanted to stay with me but I had so much shit I had to catch up on. Plus, I need some time to think about some stuff.
“You want to watch a movie when we get in?, she asked as she hopped into the car.
“I have to go on road for a little bit.”
She screwed up her face and turned to look at me, “weren’t yall just on road all morning?”
“Nah actually, we weren’t”, I said bluntly, knowing a fight was coming.
“What the fuck….Yo I feel like I have to chase you down to spend one on one time with you nowadays. The only time we spend together is with Biz around or sleeping. Like if you ain’t fucking with me, say that then-“
“Yo, you’re tripping honestly”, I said, merging with the rest of the cars.
“Now i’m trippin, yo since my birthday you’ve been dealing with me some type of way. Don’t act like you haven’t Bam, like what’s going on? Why won’t you just talk to me?” I could see the agony in her eyes, hear the longing for reassurance but I didn’t know what to give her.
Sometimes with women, you have to protect them from themselves, for yourself. There was so much on my plate already, I didn’t want to have to deal with her rollercoaster emotions right now too. She won’t understand, she can’t. And I don’t have time to always be consoling her or to deal with the repercussions of if I don’t. I got to get to work, cause shit hasn’t been moving like it was before. The streets are hot now and it’s making people question my business because this isn’t how I move. Plus she didn’t end up going back to work, so she’s just been home, in her head stressing. All that and I still have to put that nigga in the ground and that needs to be the first thing I do.
“Honestly, i’m good Royaal”, I knew as soon as the words left my mouth, that she wouldn’t accept them.
“You think it’s my fault or something?” I turned to see tears forming in her eyes.
“Baby.. nah man”, I wiped her eyes. “Look, I just have a lot of shit to think about right now and I’m trying my best to handle it and still be here with you. I don’t think it’s your fault, I’m a grown ass man Royaal, I make my own decisions and I take accountability for them. Things are just really fucked right now..-“
“So let me in, I can help…”
“I can’t be a loverboy and a pimp Royaal.”
Traffick’d 