“Okay, repeat it back to me.”
I sighed and then chuckled, “You can make a right turn only on a red light, if there’s no sign.”
So I’m pretty sure the last time you and I spoke, I was being filled in by white girl Destiny. About one of Bam’s bitches being problematic as fuck and problematic is me putting it nicely.
Just to catch you up, obviously I pressed him when he got back to the crib. But boy did I learn a lesson that night, pick and choose my battles. I asked him about the notes and his crazy bitch Paris and why she doesn’t know I’m staying with him. He said and I quote “you think I got shit to hide from you? And about bitches, you can go in that shit right now I don’t give a fuck. That’s where the girls and I communicate about business. I am not Pablo.” I mean, I had to hold it, what could I say to that? If they ever got caught, police are going to be looking in the messages and call logs, they aint checking no notes. Even if they wanted to, it’s locked, he plays chess not checkers. He also said none of his bitches knew where he lived or who he lived with. Because it’s not any of their businesses, I just wanted my ego inflated. Which I unfortunately had to agree with too.
Destiny stopped really fucking with me after that night, cause Bam told Biz she got loose lips. And Biz was happy as fuck to shut em for her. We don’t link up anymore, unless the guys force us too.
Oh, but we definitely fought and fucked that night, thats for sure; I threatened to go and stayed. That was the beginning of my soliloquy of empty threats. I’d threaten to leave, he’d tell me “go i’m not stopping you, no charge, no anything”. But it was really like reverse psychology, to tell a broken love junkie to go. Then my heart would be on my sleeve, and he’d see the pain he’d cause me in my eyes. Which would wound his masculine and ignite his “fix it warrior”. Who would stop at nothing to make the situation better. And all that fixing would trigger my heart, because look at how he’s fighting for me. And our love would just become more entangled; this is why people don’t leave each other.
He showed me his bitches, China was a bad little asian ting, Miami was Spanish and light as hell. And Paris was white, apparently she likes to say she has a little black in her. I thought she was referring to all the niggas shes fucked, cause I can spot lip injections when I see them.
I’ve never met the girls though, I’ve just seen them when we’ve driven to their house or stuff like that. I always stayed in the car cause Queens don’t mingle with peasants, unnecessarily. But to be honest they didn’t really bother me, because I hardly saw them and they didn’t make much noise. They really were self-sufficient girls, I think they just wanted a protector, a daddy. To be able to know you have someone there if you need it. It only got on my nerves sometimes, when he had to leave me and go to them.
It’s been a little more than two months and to be honest, I picked up how he plays his game. He’s such a compartmentalized guy, “everything has a place and there’s a place for everything” he says. He keeps business as business, which is separate from his personal life. His girls are business, they’re strippers and escorts. Who just all happen to have an infatuation with black men, and making money for them. But I fall somewhere in between, business and pleasure. He doesn’t play about pouring into us though. He got his accountant to set up an RRSP for me and we put money into it already. He did it for all his girls when they first started, and he contributes to it every month.
The difference with me is, I haven’t started back work yet. I’m starting the night after my birthday, the 15th which is next week. Right now I just manage the calls for the girls when they post. I’ve been making myself useful in other ways around the house though, cooking and cleaning. I’ve been studying him and his moves. I even made a-somewhat-friend in the condo. We met at the gym, I say somewhat because she’s a complete square. So I can never be completely real with her. But it’s cool, I get to live an alternate life when I’m with her.
I can’t lie, Bam’s “routine” lifestyle has really put some fire under my ass. He made me get my finances in order and invest most of my money. I can’t believe I had it in a safe, making zero interest. I’ve been eating better too, working out and I started journaling. Which has really helped tremendously with the nightmares, I don’t have them as frequently as I use too. It also helps that we haven’t heard or seen shit about Pablo. But everything’s been aight so far, I’m going to go for my driver’s license, so he’s making me practice.
“Ughhh, no more”, I moaned, “my brain’s going to explode.” I tossed my legs onto his and scooted over closer on the couch. “Let’s do something fun”, I whispered into his ear flirtatiously.
“Look, I already have my license uh. If you don’t care about getting yours, then why am I taking it seriously?” He responded, bothered. He stood up to head to the kitchen and he let my feet drop off his legs onto the ground.
“It’s not that I don’t care… Persay, maybe I just like driving around with you… Ever thought about that?” I asked spinning around to watch him. “I like being on road with you okay?”, I admitted.
He chuckled, “you act like you getting your license means you’re never going to be a passenger princess again.” He poured himself a glass of rum and shook his head before he sipped it. “Biz always said I spoiled you, I started you off rotten”, he laughed and took another sip.
“Biz is also crazy..”, I said with some annoyance and attitude.
He contemplated then nodded his head in agreement. “But just cause he’s crazy, doesn’t mean he’s wrong”, he pointed at me with his hand still holding the glass.
I got up and walked over to him, “and just cause he’s your bestie doesn’t mean he’s always right.” I grabbed his cup and took a sip.
I don’t know if it’s cause of all the space in this condo but I was growing. Sometimes I’d feel courageous to challenge him and then there were other times… I don’t know, I guess when my insecurity would catch up to me. And I didn’t feel worthy or powerful enough to challenge him at all. Like the threat of losing him, weighted heavier than my pride or something. But it’s like he loved both times, when I’d challenge him he said I’d remind him of someone in Jamaica. And when I was docile, it reminded him that he was a man. The man, and with great power comes great responsibility.
“Someone’s feeling themself tonight”, he grabbed back the glass, swirled it around and took another sip.
“I’m tryna feel you to be honest”, I said leaning in and reaching my hand into his track pants to pull out my prize.
“So what you waiting for?” he asked, looking me dead in my eyes.
I lowered to my knees, still holding onto his gaze over the cup. I took out his hardening dick and stuffed it all into my mouth. With every swirl of my tongue, tap on my lips he got harder. He put the glass down and threw his head back in enjoyment. The feeling of his veins appearing in my mouth excited me, I was dramatic and fully committed.
He threw his hands on the back of my head and increased my rhythmic strokes. “Ughh, I love when you do that shit”, he said, glaring down at me. He had a dirty grin on his face, which let me know he was going to reupholster my inner walls.
I smiled back, mouth full and dripping with our pre-party heat. Both of his fists grabbed the marble counter as he tried to anchor himself back to reality. Just as I was about to send him to another galaxy, his phone rang.
“Fucccck”, he sighed and slapped his hand over his face. I sped up my speed, now in competition with his ringtone but it just got louder.
“Fuck man!”, he yelled as he grabbed his phone from out of his pocket. “It’s just this nigga, fuck that he can wait.”
He grabbed me up from off the floor and spun me around, “cause we gotta finish this real quick.”
“I wasn’t tryna have a quick-…Oh shit”, I moaned as he slid himself inside me.
“Fucccccck”, I called out as he bend me forward across the counter. One hand in my hair, the other on my waist as he drilled my shit.
We both peaked and he pulled out and finished on my ass. After tapping himself off, he grabbed his phone and headed to the washroom.
“FAWAD”, he yelled out to me from the room.
“Yooo, my bad what’s good?” he asked the nigga on the phone as he walked into the washroom. He turned on the shower and walked back into his room.
My stuff was still in my room, but I slept in his room every night. I walked to the washroom, threw off my clothes and stepped into the shower.
“Nah you’re fucking lying”, I heard him say from the bedroom. “When?”
Then there was more silence. “….Aight say no more, I’ma get ready and be right over.”
He walked into the washroom, took off his stuff and hopped into the shower with me. He stood under the water for a minute and let it run on his face.
“Lemme get your back for you”, he teased as he lathered up some soap on the washcloth.
“Ha ha, very funny, nah I got it. Someone’s in a fucking rush, it seems”, I added with a dash of sarcasm.
“Oh nah, don’t start right now forreal. You just saw my homeboy call me, there’s some shit so I gotta go. You already know how this works.” He said curtly as he started lathering his body.
I rolled my eyes and stepped in front of him into the water. “Just don’t tell me you’re going to stay in with me…if you’re not going to stay in with me, just for future reference”, I said, grabbing the other cloth and lathering it up with soap.
He threw his head back and spoke to the ceiling, “women want a boss, but never want him to leave and handle things. God, why you do that, huh?”
“Don’t do that”, I warned.
“Nah cause make it make sense. I’m suppose to just handle everything while i’m inside you right? Everything would be good then, right?” He asked, as he stepped in front of me to wash off his sexy ass body. Whenever he was getting mad or annoyed, he’d clench his jaw. I found it to be extremely annoying because it’d make it so hard to not be sexual.
I stood there in silence and passive aggressively soaped up my body.
“Oh, not much to say anymore? ..You need to figure out why you never like to be alone.” He said bluntly, stepping out and grabbing his towel.
“What the fuck? I don’t have a problem being alone, I have a problem with being lied to, dummy.” He just stepped all over my triggers, I could feel myself getting hot and my throat getting scratchy. The fight or flight was kicking in and I was ready for a knockout.
“Did I lie to you on purpose Royaal? No, you literally saw me get the call man. Obviously my intentions were to stay in with you tonight. You’re so fucking busy trying to figure out how i’m fucking you over, you overthink everything.” He kissed his teeth and walked to his bedroom.
I stood there, paralyzed with emotions. It was bubbling up, activating my urge to flee, I swallowed down the words. I finished washing up my body, got out of the shower and wrapped the towel around me. I could hear him getting dressed and smell his Dior Sauvage perfume trailing from the room.
I wiped the mirror with my hand, because I knew he hated it and looked at myself. Then walked to the threshold of the bedroom and leaned against the frame. “You ‘re seeing your bitches tonight?”
He sighed, paused and responded back,”we’re going to the club to check some shit out and I’m bringing Paris”. He turned and looked at me with a ‘is there anything else you want to ask’ face.
“Of course you are”, I nodded and turned back around to the washroom. I grabbed the dove and began creaming my skin.
He walked over and stood behind me, ” I can’t bring you tonight baby.” He turned me around to face him, “I need you to just trust me right now, please?” He kissed the top of my head, my forehead and then my lips.
I kissed him back and then he walked out of the washroom. I followed behind him, going to grab a big tshirt and one of his boxers. He went deep into his closet and grabbed his other piece from out of the safe. I never saw him go for that one yet, to be honest I didn’t even know he had one in there. I was just aware about the one by the bed.
My suspicion radar was going off and not because of his bitches either. He shoved the piece into his louie side bag and grabbed a stack of hundreds from the dresser.
“Just be safe aight”, I mumbled to him as I got dressed.
“Always babygirl, don’t miss me too much”, he replied back, giving himself a lookover before he headed to the door. “Don’t smoke yourself into an oblivion”, he laughed as he stepped out.
The door was closed before I could even reply back.
Traffick’d 